What do I, as a parent, do ? Examine the situation, as it may only be temporary. Have you recently moved? Army, Navy, Air Force "brats" face this more often than most. It is usually only temporary. Two weeks and it's over. The rest depends upon your child, and you. Be honest, does your child have a past history of "not getting along"? Does your child understand what you mean when you say, “To have friends, be one.” Why shouldn't you expect the same condition, perhaps even worse, in a new place when the upset of moving is added to the equation? There’s an old story that applies: “Talk Story of the Traveler” An old man sitting by the road chatting with the passerby is asked by a traveler, “Say friend, what kind of people can I expect to meet at the town just ahead?” “What were the people like where you left?” “Why they were friendly, generous, warm-hearted folk. Helpful to a fault.” “I expect that you’ll find the folks in that village much the same as where you came from.” Encouraged, the traveler journeyed ahead with lighter tread, and a smile on his face. Soon another traveler going in the same direction, this time a peddler, stopped to ask, “Say, Fellow, what sort of folk are to be found in yon town?” “What were the people like where you left?” “Why they were the most rapacious, penny-pinching, unfriendly, and grasping bunch outside of jail it has been my misfortune to meet in a long while.” “I expect that you’ll find the folks in that village much the same as the one you just left.” Obviously the only difference in the town folk would be the perception and expectations of the observer. Does your child have a past history of "being a loner", a "natural introvert", "doesn't seem to enjoy the 'rough and tumble' of sports, the playground, and "spends his free time in the library”. Is your child, "different", self-possessed, dress distinctly, have poor language skills, bizarre behaviors, smell bad, "talk to himself", or says he "doesn't know how to make friends". Examine your economic class. Where do you live in town? How do you dress your child? All these, and more, are factors you need to think about. On the other hand, as a friend of mine said, “When I was twelve, my folks were having a hard time financially, and Dad had to find another kind of work. We moved into Kanas City, definitely on the wrong side of town, but that was what we could afford to rent. I had the only pale skin on our whole block. And I had a walk of over three-quarters of a mile to school each day, each way. I learned to take a different way every day, as that was the only way to avoid getting beaten up. And there were some places where the only way was to run, full speed, to get by before they could gang up on you. But after a few weeks, I made some friends, and then we walked together, and it was OK after that.” Sometimes, the problem is real, and you need to know the difference. You can talk to your child and emphasize the idea that the only way to have a friend is be one. Smile, be happy, act happy. Honey attracts more bees than vinegar. To the best of your economic ability you can: (1) make sure your child is bathed, teeth are brushed, and wears clean clothes. (2) provide your child with newer clothes on a regular basis. Soap is cheap. Fit is important. Used good quality and inexpensive children’s garments are widely available at garage sales. A couple hours on a Saturday afternoon in a nearby town can work wonders for your child’s wardrobe. Don’t go shopping like this in your own neighborhood. Go to an upper class suburb. Really save a lot of money. An easy way to help initiate inclusion of your child is to identify your child for others by embroidering his / her name on an item of clothing: cap, blouse, shirt, Tee, or jacket. Why do you think gas station and cable guys have a name patch? To know a person’s name is to identify with that person. To know a person’s name is to include that person within your circle. Why do registrations at conventions, and travel tours always provide a NAME badge? Use what you know that works. Role play beginning conversations with your child. Start with the word, “Hi.”
(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace brings 28 years in the classroom to bear on this subject. He recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy suggestions for a return to a God-centered religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com
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