What To do About Anger and Violence Anger Management and Reducing Violence. Parts 1 to 4 Anger management is the first step in reducing violence. Others are: Developing appropriate methods of expressing anger without hurting others. Finding non-violent ways to express grief and frustration. Re-directing a desire for revenge. We can begin by recognizing that most commonly anger is a product of fear. By itself, fear is not a bad thing. It is a survival mechanism we all need. Reactions to fear are instinctual, automatic, and hard-wired deep inside our brainstem. Hearing a sudden loud noise, the reactions begin: the adrenal glands pump out adrenalin with the same effect on our body that adding a supercharger has on a street hot rod. Eyes open wide, hearing becomes more acute, sugar is metabolized in muscles, the heart rate jumps higher and the reaction is: run away, fast. In infants, it is: climb mommy. A little of this can go a long way toward making a person a nervous wreck, which is exactly the result that used to be called, "shell-shocked" and is now termed some variant of "post-traumatic stress syndrome". Years ago I read that scientific measurements of drivers' stress levels on the freeways of any big city exceeded those of jet fighter pilots engaged in a combat mission dogfight. No wonder that today we have "Road Rage". Anger Management and Reducing Violence. Part 2 So how do we manage anger? What are those "appropriate methods of expressing anger without hurting others"? When I was a kid, our next door neighbor, Mrs. Robinson, would go to her garden and chop weeds when anything upset her. Since she was easily upset, she had the most weed-free garden in town. I was taught to go hit a pillow: "It won't hurt your hand, and the pillow won't mind." Another is verbal and limited physical "acting out" is role playing and discussions. And how do we go about "finding non-violent ways to express grief and frustration"? Historically many methods have been tried: look them up for a bit of interesting reading, if you like: Breaking of one's own teeth - Hawaii. Self-mutilitation - Native Americans. Flagellation - many cultures around the world. Rending of clothes. Wearing of sackcloth: (that's really uncomfortable !) and ashes (not a lot better !). Crying and wailing. (In some places people pay others to do this for them - just call “Rent A Weeper”). Anger Management and Reducing Violence. Part 3 Then there's re-directing a desire for revenge. This is also called instilling a new respect for the Rule of Law. The alternative is a return to vigilantees and vendetta. This means, I believe, a return to a much more conservative, "old-fashioned" expression of laws and judgements about criminals rights as opposed to victims rights. It probably also means continued additional restraints on possession of firearms. P.S. It's a circular argument when you say, don't restrict the rights of citizens to own and bear firearms, and also ask that criminals and youngsters be denied access to guns. Restraint is restraint. Restriction is restriction. Control is control. Facts are that deaths are less frequent when the most common available weapon is a knife, or club. A pistol is too easy to use, and usually entails less risk to the shooter who can stand at a safer distance. Parents can do their part by parenting well. Please follow the: Eight Rules of Good Parenting Anger Management and Reducing Violence. Part 4 Parents: Teach by Doing Read and Use the Eight Rules to Use to Win the Parenting Game Parent actions will guide a child's behavior Kids are mimes, mimics, and copycats. Be Consistent & Clear Be clear about what your expectations are, what is OK and what is not OK. Make sure your child understands the words you use and what they mean. If you must have rules, have only a minimum few. Write them down and put them on the refrigerator so they can be seen and not be forgotten. This is for you, too, so you'll see them every day. You should start this before the kids can read, - about the time they start trying to get out of the crib. Be a Model Act the way you want your children to act. Be gentle, calm, thoughtful, loving, & generous. Follow your own rules and your kids are highly likely to do the same. There is no place in parenting for Road Rage, Swearing, or character assasination behind a person's back. Be Positive (The Most Difficult Rule) By thinking ahead, try the majority of the time to tell your kids what they can do instead of telling them what they cannot do. It is so easy to be negative, it almost seems instinctive--- but resist--- try to follow this rule because it works! Be Respectful of yourself and others. The golden rule. If you abuse tobacco, alcohol or drugs in front of your children, expect them to follow your lead. If you bad-mouth school, learning and teachers, don't expect to have children that do well in school. Instead save your money for bail. So-- speak politely, be kind and give simple reasonable reasons for what you ask of your kids. Be Prepared I Plan ahead. Study about children's growth and what you should expect. This is so you will not be surprised. Teach with lots of short, easy to follow lessons early while they are young -- after 12 years of age it becomes much harder as their already limited hearing becomes much worse. Young kids can only follow one concept at a time. Each concept needs to be practiced until learned before going on to the next. Be Prepared II Children are doers. They are experiencing, experimenting, learning all the time. They cannot sit still for very long, and even then they need to be manipulating "things" and if they cannot: they will find ways to manipulate something: fingers & toes; tongue, teeth, and mouth; arms legs and feet; as well as you - - -and your emotions ? Plan ahead and offer choices. Be Prepared III Outsmart them, think ahead have alternative options ready to go. This should not be hard, after all you are an adult. Think of dealing cards. Shuffle your options, lay out the hands and be ready to deal. Learn to be a card shark. Lastly: Compromise and Negotiate Be Prepared IV: First expect to lose some of the time, especially as your kids get older, smarter, and better at out-thinking you. Delay, negotiate terms and conditions, lose the "battle" and win the war. Young, tough, brash & resilient cannot win against old, tested, tougher, prepared, sneaky, and well planned. Learn to let the kids win some of the time (it makes them strongerpeople) and know exactly what line you will not cross, and where you will say "No", and be unchangeable.
(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, the trappings of organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy comments and suggestions for a return to a God-centered personal religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com
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