The Littleton, Colorado massacre was a wakeup call on two major subjects: school violence and bullies. • The violence was splashed over our media channels for weeks. • What drove those young men to their terrifying deeds was a desire for revenge: for years of bullying suffered at the hands of those they targeted and tried to kill. • This is hardly "just kids being kids." • Many similar school tragedies in recent years have had the same root cause. • In more ways than one, bullies, are a danger to your child. • If only your child is a victim of collateral damage, it is just as final as if your child was doing the bullying. Did you know that: One of the biggest problems with bullies is: • These are the children that often look good, talk well, have good manners with adults, are athletes, are popular, get good grades, are cooperative, and even friendly to adults. • Underneath the facade is deep seated anger, and a desire to hurt others. • They try to feel better themselves with the idea that, "If he's hurting, I'll feel better." Plus it is a fact that violence is too often condoned in those that are athletic, or socially skilled. • With constant practice these skilled bullies have learned how to hide their behavior. • They also carefully select their victims (your child, perhaps) from those that are shy, less able, or who exhibits any other "difference" listed in this paper. Don't let yourself fall into the trap of condoning bullying behavior, especially when your child is the victim, or the bully. Know that bullying, or harassment, is not a minor discipline issue. We all recognize the values of competition (for adults) in our culture. Children, in case you hadn't noticed, are not adults. Competition, for small children, is not a particularly good thing. They are too young. That is why competitive sports are only introduced at the middle-school years. That is why competitive sports only become formalized in high school preparing for movement into the "real" world of the adults. You Have Choices You have choices: you can start early, or you can wait until your child is a bully, or is a victim of a bully before you begin to actually do something about the problem. What you can do anytime. •Be a supportive parent for school policies that place zero tolerance on all bullying. •Support measures to reduce class size, so the teacher has more time to spend with all children individually. •A bully, after all, is only seeking attention. •He'll get it one way or another. •You can safeguard your child by teaching them to be assertive, not aggressive. •Yes, there is a difference. •Do what you have to do to make sure that actual working school policies (even the unwritten ones !) definitively plan to spread out students with behavior problens across a grade level. •These students, when clustered reinforce themselves. •Can make your child's life a living Hell. •They team up and "play out a system of tag-team-match" copied from professional wrestling on TV. •Do what you have to do to make sure that the school policy involves the entire staff (bus drivers, custodians, and support staff: secretaries, teacher assistants, and specialists) and student and parents in training and implimentation of plans to reduce bullying. •Your PTA is a great place to start this campaign. •Encourage co-operative learning in the classroom. •The classroom needs to reflect the "real business world" where people work together in teams for common goals. •Go visit your school's principal: ask for a teacher for your child that uses a highly structured classroom environment. •You can try to guild the lily and also ask for the best teacher in your child's grade level. •It doesn't hurt to ask. How big a problem is bullying? Estimates vary: one is that about 160,000+ students a day stay home from U.S. classrooms because of fear of being bullied. 80% of children report being the victim of a bully at one time or another. Persistent bullying leaves permanent to long-term scars on victims. About 15% of victims report severe reactions. Where does bullying take place? In order of importance: In the classroom. Playgrounds and passageways. What are bullying’s forms? Verbal taunting. Nasty notes. Racial baiting. Gender identity issues. Physical size. Any physical difference will do for a target. Bigger, smaller, shorter, taller, skinny, plump, color, scars, birth marks, etc., etc. Girls tend to work differently, psychological-emotional cruelty is a hallmark. •Are not usually confrontational, although this changing for the worse. •Manipulate a weaker member of their "clique" to actually do the harassment. •Frequently spread nasty rumors. •Use the "freeze-out", shun, or "exile" technique, denial of "belonging". •Most commonly work together as an exclusive group. What are the warning signs I should look for with my child? • Withdrawal. • A drop in achievement. • Bruises, and other evidence of injuries. • Requests to stay home without reason. Hey! The kid's afraid ! What can I do before it happens to my child? • Teach appropriate responses for when (if) it happens. • Teach simple avoidance. Keep away from the jerk(s). • Teach assertiveness. Not punching ! This means practicing through role playing ! ? First: Walk away. ? Second: Ask an adult for help. ? Third: Report to the principal. What is assertiveness? ? Teach: "Turn and face the bully and in a voice loud enough to be heard all over the area say, "Keep away from me !" ? Always be able to talk to your child about anything. Make sure your child knows he / she can talk to you about anything without fear of retribution. What do I do when bullying happens to my child? ? First: learn about Record Keeping. ? Second, support your child. ? Third, start attending the meetings of your school board. ? Fourth, if you're not getting the help you need at the school, file a formal written complaint at the school district administation office with the superintendant. Have your attorney co-sign it. You'll get action. ? Fifth, get hardnosed, seek a restraining order against the bully's parents and their child. Make them help you solve the problem with their child.
(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace brings 28 years in the classroom to bear on this subject. He recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy suggestions for a return to a God-centered religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com
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