This material is intended as: A Service for All Families with Children. Kid Driving You Crazy? Problems at Home, or School? Welcome to the joyous world of parenting relationships. Kids have no "owner's manual", or "repair manual". Each child is a "one-of-a-kind" product, frequently created without preplanning, by a committee of two in a hurry, without any "driver's training". When dealing with children, there are No Canned Answers. Nothing overcooked, and surrounded by a steel boundary. You need flexibility when working with kids. You have to be nimble of mind and quick on your feet. Think of an NFL quarterback going back to throw. What is the other team trying to do? Your kids are the other team! In this material you will find no indexed flow charts to tell you what to do. Kids are just too variable for there to be an answer for everything. You, the parents, must have a background plan always in mind and from which you work. Single parents, and other nontraditional families might find this material of more importance, but YOU are only looking at this material because You already have a need. Please continue to explore: Is there a problem troubling you and/or your child? Is it driving you crazy? Don't know where to turn? Frustrated, angry, tied in knots? Need help now? A beginning is a delicate time. So lets get started. Know that help is here, right NOW. This material will help you sort it all out. Begin by taking care of yourself. Close your eyes, take two deep breaths, release slowly. Feel yourself becoming calmer and ready to begin. Let's Begin Exploring: #1 Human beings are complicated. . . . #2 We all live in a complicated world, so you must. . . . #3 Narrow the focus to The Exact problem. . . . #4 Then study the connections to this problem. . . . Step by step. . (If needed, go back and breathe some more. There is no hurry.) When you are ready, Go on to our Eight Step Plan. Our EIGHT STEP PLAN Before you start. If you have gotten this far, you know that you need help. You can slowly work your way through these eight steps, or seek very expensive professional assistance. That “assistance” will have no better guarantee than what you will find right here. You will, however, have to work a little harder here. Step #1: Thinking back - - sorting it out. All by itself, that is hard work. Kids have no "owner's manual", or "repair manual". Each child is a "one-of-a-kind" product. Without "driver's training" parents sometimes make mistakes. It's O.K., perfectly normal. Forgive yourself and vow "to try better" next time. Take pen in hand and write the answers to these fact-finder questions. Question #1. State the problem in less than 10 words. Question #2. When did the problem first surface? date, day, time of day? Question #3. What did you do about it? In detail. Step #2: Thinking back - - remembering Part 1. Keep writing: Question #4. What happened next? a. How did your child react? b. How did you react? c. What was the result? d. Why do you think your decision / action didn't work this time? Step #3: Thinking back - - remembering Part 2. You have come this far: (A) remembering the problem (B) now write your first choice for solution* *(The assumption is that you were "in control".) (C) and now write the result.** (You didn't lose your temper?) **(The assumption is that you didn't like the result.) Step #4: Forgive yourself. It is A.O.K. to not be perfect. No one gets old enough o be perfect. That is why children are sometimes called “Grandma’s Revenge”. Plan that the next time this problem arises, you will: Do the same thing again. Yes, the same thing. *(As long as it is not detrimental to the health and safety of the child.) This is called testing, quality control, and persistence. It is good for you . . . and your child. It says to your child that you are serious. Remember: Your child IS testing you too. Step #5: Be realistic with yourself, be kind to yourself. No strategy always works perfectly every time. Only after you have tried it six or seven times . . . Write the results of each trial . . .date them. You do need a $1.89 notebook & pen. With consistent unsatisfactory results over a period of two weeks, should you begin planning another strategy. Note: the key idea is to PLAN a new strategy while you are still testing your first strategy. Step #6: You have been helped . . . already. Your confidence should be better. You know you are not alone. There is a good rationale behind your efforts. Are you now emotionally ready to Plan a new strategy. . . . . . .for the problem that brought you here? Step #7: You are ready to plan a new strategy. Because the first plan got a good set of test trials, a thorough testing, and it didn't work. Probably for good reasons . . . so . . . forget it . . . you will be able to work faster in the future because of this experience and you can go on. ? Planning means that you make a list of possibilities. ? What you will do next to change your child's behavior. ? Write everything out, so you'll be prepared. ? What will your child do: five possibilities? Plan 1, Plan 2, Plan 3, Plan 4, Plan 5. ? Your planned response to each possibility. ? Add one last thing. Be prepared with one unexpected "off the wall" response. example: I will say, "The ducks sure were flying low last night." It will have nothing to do with what your child did, but it will confuse him! He will be off balance, and will not know what to expect. Confusing your child can be overdone. Just as you don't add pounds of salt to BBQ sauce, don't deliberately over confuse. ? Score one point. Parent : 1 Child: 0 Step #8: Take advantage of the other assistance available to you. As a parent, you are in this thing for the long haul- - look out to the time when "Junior", or "Sis" will be 19. ? Score enough points and you win the game. At child’s age 19: Parent: 19,457 Child: 15,895 You WIN! ? The game is not over until your child is no longer on your payroll, and is on someone else's. Keep scoring points until that time. What’s the secret? Planning, consistency, and not giving up too soon. Don’t abandon a good idea just because it didn’t work the first time.
(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace brings 28 years in the classroom to bear on this subject. He recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy suggestions for a return to a God-centered religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com
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