12.01.06 Chorus: Duck! Weave! Shift! And Hide! ‘Tis the After Thanksgiving Christmas Shopping Crush! Spread your elbows, protect your toes. The mad rush is on, its Stampede Time! At Wal-Mart, Sears, K-Mart, Woolworth’s, and Target. 1. The Merry Bell Tinkle you hear, don’t be confused, It is not the Salvation Army seeking donations with a bell and bucket. That ringing sound is not sleigh bells, it is the jolly tingle jingle, The sound of cold, hard greenbacks hittin’ the till. And they call it --get this -- Black Friday! Chorus: Duck! Weave! Shift! And Hide! ‘Tis the After Thanksgiving Christmas Shopping Crush! Spread your elbows, protect your toes. The mad rush is on, its Stampede Time! At Ross, Macys, Radio Shack, and Best Buy. 2. Oh, there’s Santa and Rudolph, Frosty, and don’t forget the Green Grinch! There’s trees ‘n holly, wreaths and lights, ornaments and bells. The tough little elves are exhausted, Mom needs a drink stronger than green tea. The kids have sung every carol forty-eleven times practicing for the school play. Dad’s in a total funk, worryin’ ‘bout Visa, MasterCard, and Express. Discovery just make a new one - he can’t pay! Chorus: Duck! Weave! Shift! And Hide! ‘Tis the After Thanksgiving Christmas Shopping Crush! Spread your elbows, protect your toes. The mad rush is on, its Stampede Time! At every town’s mall, the 5 and dime, and especially Rodeo Drive. 3. Stand Up! Be Proud! You Are The American Shopper! Get Out There! And do your bit to float the whole economy. Wall Street counts on every last thin, slivery dime and red, coppery cent. By New Years all you should have in your pockets -- is lint! Chorus: Duck! Weave! Shift! And Hide! ‘Tis the After Thanksgiving Christmas Shopping Crush! Spread your elbows, protect your toes. The mad rush is on, its Stampede Time! At Wal-Mart, Sears, K-Mart, Woolworth’s, and Target. 4. Don’t forget the wrapping paper, ribbons, name tags - all that junk. Take off the price tags, keep ‘em confused, let ‘em believe in a little, fat, red, magic, flying elf -- just one more time. ‘Cause that’s almost all there is left of the Christmas Spirit, ‘cept the kind found in a bottle by Jack, or in your neighborhood pew. That thin thread of childhood innocence, and your $837 dollars and 48 cents, Is all that is keeping’ the country afloat! Chorus: Duck! Weave! Shift! And Hide! ‘Tis the After Thanksgiving Christmas Shopping Crush! Spread your elbows, protect your toes. The mad rush is on, its Stampede Time! At Wal-Mart, Sears, K-Mart, Woolworth’s, and Target.
(c) Copyright 2006: George Wallace recently published a book on religion which lashes out at nearly all of the comfortable ideas about God, the trappings of organized religion, and the priesthood. His pithy comments and suggestions for a return to a God-centered personal religion will interest everyone. This article may be freely reprinted so long as all copyright attributions, and the full content of this resource box are included. www.OhGodIsThatYou.com
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